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There are many interesting people that one encounters, but few are as interesting as my friend Mavid. Mavid was a relatively quiet and friendly young fellow, yet it seemed that that hilarity followed him like a shadow. One need look no further than a few years ago. Mavid wasn't the most timely individual and often found himself rushing around trying to meet deadlines. Getting to work on time fell squarely into this category. One morning Mavid was running particularly late. As Mavid hastily dressed for work, he dashed to his dryer to grab a pair of fresh blue jeans. He quickly grabbed a pair of jeans, slapped them on, and bolted out the door in hopes of arriving at work before his boss. With one minute to spare, Mavid's cheeks hit the chair at his desk. Mavid quickly realized he had a problem. His jeans felt unusually tight. Mavid looked down and his waistline and thought, "I must have gained some weight," but then he saw the problem. He had worn his wife's jeans to work.
On any other day, this may have caused Mavid some concern. But not today. No, this day was Mavid's day to feel pretty. So pretty, in fact, that once he realized his "mistake", he went to the office adjoining his to show off his great fortune. "LaQuinta, whadya think?! I feel so alive!" he exclaimed as he twirled around. "Why are you wearing capri pants?", LaQuinta asked with a look of complete disgust. "I mean seriously, who wears capris besides old ladies and Asian women?", she continued. But she wasn't done. LaQuinta quickly fired this off: "I am pretty sure that if I had the choice of wearing those capris or a pant suit made out of the lips of 18 donkeys, I would wear the donkey lips because they would be more in style". She wasn't done: "If you and I were in a burning building, I would take those capri pants, choke you with them, and then use your body to beat the fire out." Mavid didn't bat an eye. Today was his day. "I don't care what you say, LaQuinta. These pants
are about to get me fired. And that could possibly be the best news of the day. I've known I needed to get out of this place, but you know how hard it is to quit when you don't have a Plan B, right? I mean, LaQuinta, look at you! You've hated it here more than anyone I know!” LaQuinta sneered, “You? Leave this place? That'll be the day. Who wears the pants in your house? Standing there in your wife's capris--we all know it ain't you, Mavid!” “Just watch. No way the boss will keep me past this morning. When those bigwigs make their monthly stroll through here this afternoon, struttin' like they own the place--” “--They do own it, Mavid! And they own you and me both.” “Well, they aren't gonna want to see some bozo in his wife's capris representing their company. Five to one, I'll be canned before noon. Ahh, freedom!” Mavid was beginning to feel uncomfortable in these low-rise pants, so tight they barely stayed snapped. “And what are you going to tell Lisa, huh?"
"Lisa?" replied LaQuinta, "I am done with that trailer trash. She seems to have been converted anyway." Mavid knew this was his opportunity. He had always wanted to make Lisa his, and now he had the chance. Mavid quickly left LaQuinta's office and, pants be damned, he was going to make his move. Mavid ran to the bathroom, stared into the mirror and ran his fingers through his hair, "Damn, I look good today." With that, Mavid opened the bathroom door and
there stood Lisa. "Oh, sweet nectar" thought Mavid. "Nice capris," Lisa said breaking Mavid's deep trance. "Thanks! You too!" Mavid replied realizing he had just said "You too" when it didn't apply. Lisa laughed, "Me too? I am wearing a skirt Mavid? You are so goofy sometimes." Realizing his opportunity was now, Mavid turned to his most trusted pick up line, "I'm glad I brought my library card." Unsure how to respond Lisa asked, "Why?" With the sleaziest of grins Mavid responded, "Because I am checkin you out!" Approximately, 4 hours later Lisa was at Mavid's house doing
it. Mavid hEd worked up the courage all year, and it finally paid off. They were laying in bed, clothes off, smiling and taking as Mavid's wife walked in. "Mavid!" she screamed
"How dare you cheat on me, Mavid, how dare you ?" She screamed. Mavid's wife, Mary, wasn't able to resist to the pressure, seeing her beloved one cheat on her was unbearable, she instantly fainted. "You son of a ... I didn't know you were married, how can you do this to your wife, you selfish bastard !", Lisa said while wearing her clothes to leave ! Mavid felt so desperate, a day that seemed to be one of the happiest of his, quickly turned to be one of the saddest, he lost two of his most beloved ones. "What should I do ?" he wondered desperately ..
“Company coming at 6 and you're taking a nap? Did you get those groceries I need?” Mavid sheepishly replied, “I'll go do that now.” He climbed out of bed and reached for -- Just then he remembered that the pants beside the bed were his wife's capris. These he grabbed, jamming one leg in, then the other. “Mavid, what the hell?” Lisa yelled. “You're wearing my capris? A closetful of clothes and you're wearing my capris?” Her thoughts shot to the story surrounding Mavid's birth. His mother dreamed of a daughter named Maude. When this boy was born, his father insisted on “David.” They compromised with “Mavid.” “His behavior fits his name,” she thought. “He doesn't know who the hell he is.” Meanwhile, lying beside him, Lisa thought, “I'm invisible!” Had she entered the Twilight Zone? Slipping out of bed, she hoped she was as invisible to Mavid's wife as it seemed she was.
"You've stretched out my capri pants and then just threw them on the floor?! Why would you that? And why does it smell like camel sweat in here?". "I had no idea you 'd be home before 6, darling, I just thought I would come home and catch a nap. I got all sleepy from the lack of blood flow to my head. Seems all my oxygen was trapped in my crotchal region". Lisa, who had deftly slid under the covers and went unnoticed so far, lay as quietly as she could. "Come on Mavid, get up, we need to get dinner going." "Sure, just let me lay here a second", he responded. "How come? Did you have a big lunch or something?", she twinkled back. "No, I'm just really sleepy". "Well, I know what will get you going...how about I reach under those covers and give that thing a tug!" Mavid knew what this meant. His wife loved to pull his finger and listen to him fart and he ALWAYS played along. So, he offered his
Wife A weekend,away to the spa of her choice,(anything to get her out of the room!)Really?!his wife aked standing excited but yet looking confused,she repiled if you are going to spoil me like that you can ware my pants every week!as she left the room, Mavid quickly,
jumped out from beneath the covers and got himself dressed. "Lisa! You have got to be quick and get out of here!" He came to stand aside her, trying to hurry her along getting her own clothes back on. "And how the heck do you plan on getting me out of here without your wife noticing me?!" Her voice was panicked as she ran to one of the windows to see how far of a drop it would be if she jumped from it. "You'll break your damn legs if you even attempt jumping from here!" Mavid said as he reached over to grab Lisa by the hand. "I have an idea on how we can get you out of here without my wife noticing." He told her, "You're going to have to trust me!" She looked i up into his eyes, still in a panicked state of mind, but willing to trust what ever idea Mavid had come up with in his mind.